Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
