Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
