And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
