I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I didn't notice because vodka
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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