I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
