The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
