Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
