eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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