some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
