i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
