That's intense
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
