Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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