My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
