Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
