I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
