New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
