turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
