I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
