I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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