The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
