Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
