I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
