no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
