So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
