So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
