It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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