what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
