8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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