sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
