remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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