I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
