Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
