you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
