white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
