I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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