woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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