so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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