we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
