you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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