my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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