New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
