i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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