I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
