some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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