Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
