Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
