ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
