Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
