Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
