Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Randomize
