fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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